Friday, 10 February 2012
Meanwhile, I may or may not manage to blog, but rest assured I'll be doing something interesting that may or may not include lying around in my hammock enjoying some screen-free time.
Thursday, 2 February 2012
This is my daemon. It lives inside of me, and I spent many years terrified of it. It was stuffed down, deep in the dank darkness, fed on fear and anger and sadness and all the filth and hurt and suffering I could dredge up and push down there.
And so it grew, trapped in a tiny cage, poked and prodded, insults hurled at it, like a rabid dog in a too-small box. And it grew to hate me, and I feared it all the more. But I could not set it free, for it would attack and devour me.
Down in the darkness, it turned and growled, and snapped, and snarled, eyes flashing and saliva dripping, menacing and evil. And I wished to be free of it.
I tried to describe this creature in therapy one time, and my therapist handed me a large sheet of paper and a box of pastels. I sat, with a black pastel in my (non-dominant) left hand and drew this with my eyes closed...
And I saw that my creature was not all that bad after all. I felt pity and sadness for it; the poor thing, trapped down there all these years, abused and diseased. It was lonely, and I had created it.
So now we work together, my creature and I; it still snarls from time to time, but I have, at least, stopped poking it and pouring poison into its cage. I let the sun shine in, when I can, and give it fresh water and empathy and love. And most of all, I apologised.